Being in love with someone is the sweetest feeling in the world, just before it turns sour, and all of the butterflies in your belly become gargolyles at sunrise. When you love someone with all you've got only to realize at some point that that love is not reciprocated, or has stopped to be, you would only have begun to know the several shades of pain.
You would try to drown out the pain with comfort-food, leave your hair disheveled and not bother with a bath; you'd listen to break-up songs that tell you you are better off without them and you would sing along in a slightly-hoarse off-key voice and want to believe the lyrics, really want to believe it, only to wake up in the middle of the night and burst into tears because it's all useless. You miss them, want them beside you, and it kills you to know it would never again be that you would hold them, caress them, kiss... and it hurts so so much...
Then you become angry, and this is a very seductive phase because anger makes you feel a false sense of power, it gives you something to look forward to thinking you could somehow get back at them for walking all over your heart, and it is a more functional state in which you can get things done fast with all your rage as fuel as compared to sulking in self-pity and tearing out wads of tissue. The angry stage is so seductive it not only lures you into a cave but keeps you in that cave where you find purpose in knowing that person who has betrayed your trust would one day know your wrath. You hold the thought and there is direction in that singleness of purpose. Anger becomes a lifestyle, and like a cancer it begins to spread, finding other targets: your family, friends who are worried for you, colleagues who try to hook you up, people who say they would like to know you better, and ultimately: yourself.
Anger makes it possible for you to push people away and think its the smart thing to do. Never again am I going to be hurt, you tell yourself. Never again would I let anyone get the best of me. You convince yourself you are happy -"I'm as happy as I can be" -and it doesn't matter what anyone else says because they don't know what you've been through, they don't know how you feel, how you never want to feel again...
True, anger is only a natural consequence of feeling betrayed by someone dear. It is perfectly natural, perfectly human to feel rage at someone who just broke your heart -and there's really no explanation that can make this right -but when your rage grows from kicking tyres and smashing furniture to building walls of resentment and distrust you would only have handed out the reins of your life to someone you already know no longer cares, and caged yourself in.
Yourself: that's the only person you're hurting, and yes you'd like to think otherwise, anger can be tricky in that way... it's alot like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die... Staying angry would only make you push those in your life away, and keep others from coming in. You're going to keep hurting, remaining in one spot while your excuse, your mask for self-hatred remains blissfully unknowing, living a life while you just exist.
When you've been angry for so long it can't be easy unburdening, but it'd help to realize that the only one you should live your life for is yourself. Love life for it's worth and not in the hopes of getting back at someone no longer dear, and this is only possible when you realize there's only one person who owns your heart: YOU.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Boy-molestion, Paedophilia and The Code of Silence
You know the thing about statistics is that they reflect an exact knowledge when employed in speech or writing, a testament that a speaker or writer knows exactly what they are talking about. People would throw figures about to create an impression, or as a tool for condescencion, but the most amazing thing about statistics: facts and figures, is their ability to shock.
Take for example the fact that 1 out of every 6 men had been sexually-molested in their childhood. 1 out of 6!!!! That would imply that if they are a million men in the world approximately one hundred and sixty-six thousand six hundred and sixty-six of them have been victims of sexual predation. And just so we are clear we are talking about men! One out of six! And yes I reclined way back in my chair too when I was confronted with the figures.
Somehow it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that that many men had fallen prey to paedophiles, singled out by predators and robbed of their innocence in ways that would echo through a lifetime, and more often that not destroy any chance at happiness.
What this means is that one-sixth of the population of men in the world are bearing a very heavy burden, bitter and angry at themselves for something that wasn't of their making. One-sixth of the men in our world have been put in a position of helplessness and shame. Helplessness heightened by society's expectations that a man is to be strong and unemotional, a stone statue for whom crying would be no less than an abomination. Shame stemming from the way the male specie is physically engineered to respond to any erotic external stimulation irrespective of whether they want to or not.
One out of six men is carrying a heavy burden they can't talk about, and he could be the mailman, the milkman, the man sitting next to you in church, in the pub. He could be your husband, your brother, your son, an uncle, and he's going through something he can't share because of the constraint you have put on him. His yoke might never be lightened because of your unrealistic expectations. A man is before everything else a human-being, someone with feelings and emotions, and needs. He feels the need to be loved, appreciated, cuddled, and heard....
A problem shared it is said is a problem half solved, and there is no imagining what problems sexual-molestation creates in the lives of the affected one-sixth of the world's entire male population in areas ranging from sexuality to making commitments. Escapism more often than not becomes the blazing neon-sign that promises one thing at the door and hands out something completely different at the counter: drugs and the long spiral down to death, alcoholism and other self-destructive paths. Paths taken in a bid to drown the emotions or get drowned.
Running away from something that is strapped firm to your shoulder is no flight at all, and that's why we need to talk about these things, lighten the burden. I know because I have been there, a survivour of sexual-predation, and I did feel a release talking about it with my mother even if the subject had been one of the several times in which I was molested by members of my extended family both male and female. And that is another thing: 90% of the time -statistics again -children are preyed upon by people they know: uncles, aunties, neighbours, the clergyman, the deaconness, fathers and mothers: familiar faces, people they know and trust.
Parents should be a lot more careful about the people with whom they leave their children, and more than that should be more attentive to their kids. Victims of sexual-abuse assert 9 times out of 10 that they hadn't spoken up about the abuse because they knew they weren't going to be believed. And even when they did make a report of such abuse to their parents it was to be promptly dismissed.
Parents owe a duty to their kids to protect them, and if as a parent you don't do right by your child then you are a complete failure not only as a parent but as a human-being (hens do better protecting their chicks)!
Paedophilia isn't just a fancy word in the dictionary. There are paedophiles everywhere amongst us, and it is our duty as people, as parents to protect our young from these predators. And don't believe for a second that they hang out only in the street, because they get invited to your home for dinner on Fridays, watch your kids on Saturdays, serve Mass with your kids on Sundays, and help them with their Math on Mondays.
They are people you know, people you kiss on the cheek, and they are hurting your children, robbing them of their innocence, ruining their lives, stealing their shot at happiness, snatching their dreams, leaving them broken and bitter people that all said and done society will be better off without.
It's time to be vigilant, both parents and non-parents alike. Turning a blind-eye never remedies a bad situation, and you never know if your child would be a victim to that child who's being victimized today.
There's only one way to keep from finding out....
Take for example the fact that 1 out of every 6 men had been sexually-molested in their childhood. 1 out of 6!!!! That would imply that if they are a million men in the world approximately one hundred and sixty-six thousand six hundred and sixty-six of them have been victims of sexual predation. And just so we are clear we are talking about men! One out of six! And yes I reclined way back in my chair too when I was confronted with the figures.
Somehow it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that that many men had fallen prey to paedophiles, singled out by predators and robbed of their innocence in ways that would echo through a lifetime, and more often that not destroy any chance at happiness.
What this means is that one-sixth of the population of men in the world are bearing a very heavy burden, bitter and angry at themselves for something that wasn't of their making. One-sixth of the men in our world have been put in a position of helplessness and shame. Helplessness heightened by society's expectations that a man is to be strong and unemotional, a stone statue for whom crying would be no less than an abomination. Shame stemming from the way the male specie is physically engineered to respond to any erotic external stimulation irrespective of whether they want to or not.
One out of six men is carrying a heavy burden they can't talk about, and he could be the mailman, the milkman, the man sitting next to you in church, in the pub. He could be your husband, your brother, your son, an uncle, and he's going through something he can't share because of the constraint you have put on him. His yoke might never be lightened because of your unrealistic expectations. A man is before everything else a human-being, someone with feelings and emotions, and needs. He feels the need to be loved, appreciated, cuddled, and heard....
A problem shared it is said is a problem half solved, and there is no imagining what problems sexual-molestation creates in the lives of the affected one-sixth of the world's entire male population in areas ranging from sexuality to making commitments. Escapism more often than not becomes the blazing neon-sign that promises one thing at the door and hands out something completely different at the counter: drugs and the long spiral down to death, alcoholism and other self-destructive paths. Paths taken in a bid to drown the emotions or get drowned.
Running away from something that is strapped firm to your shoulder is no flight at all, and that's why we need to talk about these things, lighten the burden. I know because I have been there, a survivour of sexual-predation, and I did feel a release talking about it with my mother even if the subject had been one of the several times in which I was molested by members of my extended family both male and female. And that is another thing: 90% of the time -statistics again -children are preyed upon by people they know: uncles, aunties, neighbours, the clergyman, the deaconness, fathers and mothers: familiar faces, people they know and trust.
Parents should be a lot more careful about the people with whom they leave their children, and more than that should be more attentive to their kids. Victims of sexual-abuse assert 9 times out of 10 that they hadn't spoken up about the abuse because they knew they weren't going to be believed. And even when they did make a report of such abuse to their parents it was to be promptly dismissed.
Parents owe a duty to their kids to protect them, and if as a parent you don't do right by your child then you are a complete failure not only as a parent but as a human-being (hens do better protecting their chicks)!
Paedophilia isn't just a fancy word in the dictionary. There are paedophiles everywhere amongst us, and it is our duty as people, as parents to protect our young from these predators. And don't believe for a second that they hang out only in the street, because they get invited to your home for dinner on Fridays, watch your kids on Saturdays, serve Mass with your kids on Sundays, and help them with their Math on Mondays.
They are people you know, people you kiss on the cheek, and they are hurting your children, robbing them of their innocence, ruining their lives, stealing their shot at happiness, snatching their dreams, leaving them broken and bitter people that all said and done society will be better off without.
It's time to be vigilant, both parents and non-parents alike. Turning a blind-eye never remedies a bad situation, and you never know if your child would be a victim to that child who's being victimized today.
There's only one way to keep from finding out....
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